Praise be the cheese
by MoreLikeYourGhost
Summary: There are alot of things that can bring people together, right? Photos, letters, videos. But for me, it was different. For me it was cheese. SEDDIE.


Hi people! I was eating a ham and cheese sandwich the other day and I just suddenly wanted to write this fic. I know I've got other fics but this is only a one-shot so it's not a big commitment. And I am writing Teach Me How To Kiss but I have to do that on the big computer (I'm on my dad's laptop at the moment) and I so happen to have a rather nosy family so I have to keep minimising word so they can't see what I'm writing (I might show them when I'm a famous writer extraordinaire). Anyways....

On with the show!

CHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESEC

There are a lot of things that can bring people together. Sentimental type things. Photos, for one. Maybe letters, maybe even videos. But you'd guess that I, Sam Puckett, would have something utterly random and unconventional that brought me to my lurve and current squeeze. And you'd guess right. It was cheese.

I hate cheese. To me it's just a totally boring way of using an animal that you could (apparently, hopefully) get a Big Mac out of. It's just so yellow... and stinky. I mean there are actually people out there who dedicate their lives to cheese, and like, move to France so they can taste cheese (pfft, just an excuse so they can get drunk on the wine that comes with it). It's gross. I'll have it on pizza, but that's only because I'm distracted by the tomato-y goodness and toppings. And cheese in a can is fine, because let's face it; it's not really cheese. So you can imagine my anger when the following happened.

It was the day of iCarly and me and Carly were waiting for Freddie, so we could do a run-through before the show started. Carly got all antsy because she was expecting a phone call from Jake, and he hadn't done it yet. Psh, desperado.

So Freddie FINALLY comes, and he's like 'Sorry, I had to stay behind after school to finish my art.'

Then Carly's phone rings and she's like 'Aah! It's him! Shh! Don't say anything!' She thrusts a lamp into my arms and disappears out of the room, frantically applying lipgloss even though she's all twitchy.

Putting the lamp back on the table, I say 'Yo, dork, what's u-'

And then I notice.

He has a sandwich in his hand.

And just out of the corner of the sandwich I see something.

And that something was a something I did not want to see.

Or maybe it could have been something I wanted to see because it was precisely that something that started something with the very person I would never have thought I would start something with/

That something was corner of a ham slice.

And a slice of cheese on top of it.

That murderer! You do not put something as splendiferously delectable as ham next to something as devilishly disgusting as cheese! It is not done! Would you put David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo in the same soccer team? No, you wouldn't because David Beckham is amazing and Cristiano Ronaldo is utter crap, so Cristiano Ronaldo would ruin whatever it was that David Beckham brought to the pitch with his sheer stinkiness and general ugliness! Bah! Realising all this in my head made me so riled up....

'Dork!' I yelled. 'What the hell is in that sandwich?!'

'Ham and cheese,' he replied simply. He took a bite of the sandwich, having obviously forgotten about my fear/hatred of cheese. Grrr....

'Ham... and cheese?' I say in my most Voldemort-ish voice.

'Yep.'

He takes another bite of the death-wich, obviously relishing it.

'You put cheese... on ham?'

He nods slightly, before something clicks in his mind. 'Oh!'

He tries to run to the kitchen but I'm way too fast for him. I catch him and jump on his back, tearing the piece of hell out of his dorkish hands. I throw it with as much force as I can into the kitchen, and start hurting the stupid know-nothing know-it-all.

'You do NOT mix ham and cheese! It is not done!' I emphasize the word "not" with a few punches.

'Sam?! What's the big deal?'

'Cheese is evil! Ham is good! Good and evil do not mix!'

'It tastes nice!' God, that boy does not know when to shut up!

'No it doesn't! Ham plus cheese equals murder!'

'What?'

He just wasn't getting it.

'Argh!' I cried out in frustration. Maybe I had to get in Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham to prove my point.

'Cheese! Ham! No! Cheese with ham is like.... it's like...' I was having trouble coming up with another simile.

And then it happened.

The dork kissed me!

Just totally randomly out of the blue he leaned up and did it! No word of a warning! First the ham and cheese incident and now this... I would have kicked him if I hadn't been busy making out with him.

Well, yeah, of course I kissed him back, of course. He was actually kinda good at it. Valerie must have taught him a thing or two. Ew, Valerie, get out of my head.

We stopped making out after only a few minutes 'cause we heard Carly coming back in. Kinda hesitantly I got up and sat back down on the sofa.

'Why'd you do that?' I whispered.

'To shut you up, mostly.' He smirked.

I punched him.

'Ouch!' (Wuss) 'It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it!'

'We'll see about that later,' I say.

'You guys! You guys!' Carly yells, running into the room. 'Jake just asked me out!'

'Well, thank cheese for that,' I say.

CHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESECHEESEC

Sorry about that cheesy ending! Sorry about the obvious use of the word "cheesy" there!

Okay, I'm working on Teach Me How To Kiss, as soon as I've posted this I'm gonna try and finish the chapter, I'm putting iSchool Musical on hold, and concentrating on Stage School Brats (original title Fame). Hope that's not too confusing for you!

Reviews please!

Charz out

Xoxox


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